A Dating Guide For People Over 40

Dating over 40 is a different ball game. The one thing we all have in common is that, we know ourselves, we know what works and we have experienced being a partner.

This separates you from some of the gen Z and millennial confusion where people don’t yet know themselves because they’re not fully formed or they haven’t had enough time. You’ve had a partnership, you may have had a marriage and you may have children, which make both men and women grow up and be responsible very quickly. So, knowing these factors, you have more preference and you also have more of a sense of elimination, which is not a bad thing.

Here are the pros and cons about being over 40 and dating;

  1. You know what you want but you have fewer choices.

You definitely know what you want and you can state it clearly. You have a track record of being successful in relationships. The downside? There is less choice. Some of the people have been swooped up in relationships or you get people who are harmed and broken. There’s more baggage after 40 because more people have had their dreams shattered.

Now, a healthy person or somebody who’s doing the kind of work that you’re doing right now such as reading articles, educating yourself and anything you can do to make yourself a better dater or partner, your job is to package your past and make sure that your baggage is travel-size. Love does not come without consequence and it’s impossible to love and never experience hurt. There’s nothing you can do to make that change. If you love, you are going to feel some pain. The job nowadays is not to eliminate loving, but the job is to process your past and be able to experience a wonderful relationship with another human being. Those are the gifts that we get in dating over 40.

  1. You’ve got a lot of specific preferences, and a lot of dump likes.

You want to eliminate right off the top and make sure that somebody wants what you want. You know the game and you’re not going to be fooled. You’ve had a partner and you know what this is all about. Be better prepared for whatever comes your way.

  1. You can take advantage of the online dating, but you have a technical curve that you have to learn.

There are lots of videos, reviews and tips about online dating. There will be things that will seem incongruous to you like why do somebody check you up and then disappear. There’s even the first date that you think is phenomenal and suddenly the person just walks away. Because in online dating, some things are not real and some people are going to show you what they think you want to see. So, you’ve got to be smart.

Final Advice

Look for a partner who is willing to include you in the totality of their life, not be their side-chick that he sees and then keeps his family separate from you. Yes, there’s a time where you are protecting your kids, especially with the trauma of a divorce, but if you find that kind of a statement, skip to the next person because that clearly means you’re never getting in, and this is one of the problems of dating over 40, particularly in women. Look for a man who wants to include you in his life, who has space to bring you to the inner circle. If you follow that kind of a man, you’ll be fine.